Heart break

Sometimes, Im jealous when I see my friends get back with her ex. How lucky she is. Her ex still love her. Yeah, congrates. Can I be like her? Maybe not. My ex really love his girl. And he said that he never want to fall in love again with her ex. I understand that. Sometimes, I feel hurt, I feel hurt and sometimes I feel sad and regret. i don't know why. But I always feel like that. Is it Im still love him? No. Truly no. Why I should love someone who didn't appreciate me? He deserve to find another one who can make he happy. And the person not me. If I can turn back the time, I'll make sure that I'll never know him. But its too late. Very late. Hm. I hope he'll happy right now with his beloved one. And the truth is, I miss his smile. Bye.

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When we being love with someone that we want, it feel like this world is yours. But when we lose on it, we lose the world, heart and everything.Its just like me. Im tired to being hurt. Im not a doll. I've a feeling eventhough I never show it. I only show my love in front of you. Not in front of our friend. You never understand me. You want me understand you and show my love for you. Im sorry, Im not type of that girl. Im a shy girl who want show her love in front her beloved one. Im glad that I'd love you and I'd have you before. I hope you'll never come back in my life.

Im a sixteen years old girl who want a happiness and someone who can love me perfectly. But I didn't found it. My life now I feel very lonely, lifeless, full of sadness and too many fake in my life. Why? I've been hurting before. Until now I feel its too hurt. I have crush on someone but I don't feel the love. Where's my love go? After being hurting, Im just too lazy to love someone even he try to take my heart. Im afraid that I'll lose someone who I love. Yeah, Im very afraid about it. So, being single is the best way for me.

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The blog started May 2009. I made it as my online diary. Not a private, but a public diary. All inside my heart I wrote on it. I want to share to everyone and give you opinion about my entry. Sorry for broken english.

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I'd my first love on 13 April of 2012 and I lose it on 22 August of 2013. Its to hurt to remember it but I try my best to put it here. We'd love and need each other every time. On night weekend, we always on the phone until morning. Even sleepy, but I still want to hear his voice. But, I don't know what happen to us. We always fight and sometimes I felt want to give up. But I chose to stay. And one day, on 7 June 2013, he called me and crying. He said I love you but I gave him another chance. About one month later, I knew he had another relationship behind me. Eventhough we had a relationship, but he didn't tell to anyone. And at the end, I leave him eventhough he said that he love me. Arghh, I don't believe him anymore. He had a new one but he still don't want to let me go. Im not a doll. Again, Im not. I want someone who know what I feel. I never show my love to everyone but I hope you can feel it. If one day he'll lose someone he loved, I'll smile on it. Why? Because he'll feel the same that I felt before.

The living memories // 2012
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