Heart break

If they understand me, maybe they know how hurts am I. If they know how I feel, maybe they stop hating me. If they know that Im a fake one, maybe they'll be lonely. But I try my best to make them laugh. Eventhough Im always hurt, but Im always try to make them laugh. Maybe one day they'll never find another me anymore. So let me make them spend their time with me. Maybe they think Im a happy-go-lucky girl. Sorry, its wrong. Actually Im a lonely girl. Very lonely girl. If in this world I don't have a friend, Its okay. I can survive. I never have any best friend. All my friend is my friend. Just they consider me as their bestfriend. Nevermind. And maybe they didn't noticed that Im changed. Yeah, they didn't noticed it but Im very sure that Im very changed. I always walk behind my friends, not talking too much, just smile if someone make a jokes and Im always being so serious. I don't know why, but I always do that. Maybe its the time for me to think about the future. And for sure its the time for me to fully move on. Forgetting the past and make a new life alone. Its fun. Nobody to love, nobody to caring about and there's nobody. Its really fun. Being lonely is fun. And if I can turned back time, I want to being lonely all the time. Yeah, I really want that. And I wish I don't have any feeling with another guy. And until now, I always ask myself. How can you falling in love with someone that you really don't know about his history. And, I never found the answer. I hope one day I will find it. I wanna cry now. Because of what? Hm I really don't know. Maybe I miss someone or remember how hurt am I. Ahh I don't know. I need a time. I want someone who can hear about my problems and can advice me. But there's nobody outside there. I hope my friend who had been there for me before can hear about my problems again. Friend, I need you. Bye.

When we being love with someone that we want, it feel like this world is yours. But when we lose on it, we lose the world, heart and everything.Its just like me. Im tired to being hurt. Im not a doll. I've a feeling eventhough I never show it. I only show my love in front of you. Not in front of our friend. You never understand me. You want me understand you and show my love for you. Im sorry, Im not type of that girl. Im a shy girl who want show her love in front her beloved one. Im glad that I'd love you and I'd have you before. I hope you'll never come back in my life.

Im a sixteen years old girl who want a happiness and someone who can love me perfectly. But I didn't found it. My life now I feel very lonely, lifeless, full of sadness and too many fake in my life. Why? I've been hurting before. Until now I feel its too hurt. I have crush on someone but I don't feel the love. Where's my love go? After being hurting, Im just too lazy to love someone even he try to take my heart. Im afraid that I'll lose someone who I love. Yeah, Im very afraid about it. So, being single is the best way for me.

Dhia ♦ Fahan ♦ Ekin ♦ Yatt ♦ Ummi ♦ TeaDno ♦ BellaLuna

The blog started May 2009. I made it as my online diary. Not a private, but a public diary. All inside my heart I wrote on it. I want to share to everyone and give you opinion about my entry. Sorry for broken english.

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I'd my first love on 13 April of 2012 and I lose it on 22 August of 2013. Its to hurt to remember it but I try my best to put it here. We'd love and need each other every time. On night weekend, we always on the phone until morning. Even sleepy, but I still want to hear his voice. But, I don't know what happen to us. We always fight and sometimes I felt want to give up. But I chose to stay. And one day, on 7 June 2013, he called me and crying. He said I love you but I gave him another chance. About one month later, I knew he had another relationship behind me. Eventhough we had a relationship, but he didn't tell to anyone. And at the end, I leave him eventhough he said that he love me. Arghh, I don't believe him anymore. He had a new one but he still don't want to let me go. Im not a doll. Again, Im not. I want someone who know what I feel. I never show my love to everyone but I hope you can feel it. If one day he'll lose someone he loved, I'll smile on it. Why? Because he'll feel the same that I felt before.

The living memories // 2012
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